When Will and I let loose the news that my passenger is of the female gender, I was bombarded by questions. They generally fell into four categories: 1.) Is it what you expected? 2.) Are you happy? 3.) Was Will disappointed? 4.) How do you feel now that you know? 5.) Do you have a name?1.) Is it what you expected?
Yes and no. I'd always envisioned myself with a daughter, probably because I'm a daughter myself. But over the past year, as I met and interacted with my close friends' little boys, Charlie (Karyn) and Everett (Linda), I started imagining myself with a son. So, until last month, I was leaning boy. At Verana however, I woke up one morning with an overwhelming feeling that this was a girl. I told Will and he concurred he was feeling similarly. (As you probably saw, in the gender poll, we both went for girl.) But then there was the ultrasound. Before the procedure, we explained that we didn't want to know the gender, and asked that instead, the tech write it on a piece of paper. She agreed, had us avert our eyes and almost immediately exclaimed, "Alright - got it." In our pre-envelope opening discussions the next day, we both agreed that "Got it" was, in ultrasound gender talk, synonymous with "Penis." So, when we opened the envelope, we were a little surprised and a little not surprised. It was, and it wasn't, what we expected.
2.) Are you happy?
Yes. But not because I wanted a girl (or a boy). I'm happy because I know that, so far, the baby is healthy. Rote response, but true. I'd gotten used to the idea of having a boy or a girl, mentally reviewed the challenges of each, and was ready for either one. I grew up with a brother, most of my elementary school friends were male, and with all the time I spent at the hockey rink, I am every comfortable around boys. I am a girl. I like girls. I'm excited by the prospect of raising a strong female. (But I'd be omitting some truthful info if I didn't admit that I am already dreading the teenage stage. I may take my mother-in-laws advice and just hand her off to dad when she turns 12.)
3.) Was Will disappointed?
I don't think so - he told me he wasn't - but here's what he said:
"No. I feel like I can naturally relate better to a boy and that's what I envisioned, but I am super excited about the challenge of raising and relating to a girl. I have to figure out how to identify with a little girl, as contrary to what I have been called, I never was one. However, my immediate reaction was one of consternation, thinking about the upcoming challenges of dealing with another strong and sassy young woman, created in Maggie's likeness."
4.) How do you feel now that you know?
Good. Although many of my co-pregnant friends are opting for the surprise, I am happy we got the gender news. But not for the typical reasons. Regardless of gender, the baby's room was going to be yellow and grey. I don't plan to register for many clothing items. (And even if I do, am going to try to stay away from too much pink.) We already had a boy and a girl name decided. So it wasn't about the planning - which is why many couples choose to "find out." Instead, it was about making this baby feel real. If I'm honest, before this I wasn't feeling very connected. I didn't cry when I heard the heartbeat or saw the ultrasound image. It was unreal, like it was happening to somebody else. So for me, knowing the gender takes it to another level. Now, I feel like my passenger is a person. My visions of the future gain a richness and depth. So, how do I feel? Good. I feel good.
5.) Do you have a name?
Yes. But we're keeping that one to ourselves until she's born. Or maybe turns 1. She can just be "Baby" to all of you. Because as we all know, nobody puts Baby in a corner.
